Wednesday, January 28, 2009

Narcissism in Action 2: Wannabes


In my experience, followers, who aim to mimic a leader/guru-type, and those who snow you with their vast yet superficial knowledge, their expertise and authority, exhibit some of the following characteristics and fall into the two overlapping categories that are suggested by and adapted from Tim Fields' "Bullyonline" discoveries, with my emphasis. To me, the most salient characteristic is that they lie and deceive and mislead and steal as a means to uphold their grandiosity. As always, there must be a definable pattern of behaviour which shows up consistently over time. Survivors should especially remain alert to the signs. [My comments in brackets.]

Remember your N and how great they were with words and emotion? How knowledgable they seemed? How good some of them were at "introspection" via self-help books? How they seemed to know themselves and life so well, and know you even better than you knew yourself? How they loved to teach you and preach at you? How some of us looked up to them? They were wannabes.

The Wannabe

~~similar to the attention-seeker

~~hangs around the fringes of a profession [regards self as messenger or spokesperson for experts/guru-types]

~~not professionally qualified but claims they are a professional because they sit next to one or work alongside or near or in the midst of professionals [e.g., they had a medical student room with them- hence, they can say, " I am not a professional but I know someone who is"; can also play professional victim/survivor/target]

~~lacks the ability or professionalism to be a qualified professional

~~places undue emphasis or reliance on an old or minor qualification to bolster their claim of belonging to a profession [such as working in a 'scientific' environment, or taking a course at university]

~~claims ambiguous or misleading or bogus or fraudulent qualifications and associations

~~displays a superior sense of entitlement because they associate with higher performers [as indicated by their dependence on the words/quotes of others, especially the "guru"; also by their adamant insistence that said "guru" is their saviour/a god, and that everyone must be enlightened to that fact]

~~emotionally immature [I have found them to be particularly childish, without insight, and especially depth; hang around them long enough and you realise they are saying the same things over and over again- unless stealing from others]


~~easily provoked

~~quickly and loudly feigns victimhood when exposed [email is also a good conduit]

~~makes conflicting and contradictory threats and demands when held accountable [usually in private in order to uphold image in public; in public deflects attention by questioning "authenticity" in order to invalidate, undermine ]

~~easily manipulated and controlled by a superior serial bully [or more famous or authoritative "expert" or "guru"]

~~female wannabes may be arch bullies -some people might call them puppetmasters or queen bees [or 'wannabees' :); as with all bullies, their favourite tactic is to convince others that the target is crazy or "sick"]

~~may surround self with drones of the opposite sex [unless it is a predominantly female environment; ever the opportunist, any drone will do ]

~~may exploit some perceived vulnerability in self to ensure drone loyalty [claims to be a victim/survivor of the same type of abuser as others, and/or- had a bad childhood]

~~gives the appearance of loyalty to drones, but will discard them when they've served their purpose [or when they are challenged, or someone doubts their veracity/greatness; it's so subtle that no one notices]

The Socialised Psychopath or Sociopath

With special emphasis, in addition to the usual characteristics, on the following ....

~~is adept at reflecting all accusations and attempts at accountability back onto accusers [largely behind the scenes, of course, or when challenged]

~~is skilled at mimicry and is always identifying what works on others [ this is especially striking in their plagiarising, and co-opting of "feeling" words and of ideas]

~~is able to anticipate what people want to hear [and flatters like crazy! Keeps those useful to their image sweet]

~~charming [I discovered this means warmth, giving "warm fuzzies"] and plausible

~~excels at evasion of accountability [Does not answer direct questions that challenge their knowledge or veracity of statements or contradictory statements, but aims to distract]

~~is easily able to win people over before betraying them or deceiving them or ripping them off [stealing words, ideas, people, in essence, another's identity ]

~~often starts projects with apparent enthusiasm and energy but quickly loses interest [or lets the really smart and earnest ones continue to do the work while she/he garners the glory]

For a Real Life example, go here: Unmasked


schwames said...

Wow! Amazing, like a veil has been lifted from my eyes. My partners ex I am sure now is a fully fledged N. She word for word is the description of the female wannabe. Things been up and down for last 5 years but new events have unleashed her nasty ways but many others(drones) see her as victim. The only reason she has any part in our lives is because of the children which are always used as an emotional weapon, but they too think we 'bully' their Mum. Sometimes feels like being in a never ending bad soap opera (and I can't stand soap operas). Anyway will keep smiling,
Love and Light to all x

Cromwell said...

Judge not or ye shall be judged. Just saying---people are not perfect. Loving unconditionally is the key. My husband thought he was the perfect being and thought he was the "counselor" and critical judge of "everyone, even his closest and dearest friends and family.....I almost bought it, buying into his perfectionism ---precise and found that "no one is perfect" NO One on this God given earth. So if it is too good to be true....question it. Thanks for sharing.