Psychopaths and Ns, as well as other abusers often massively use passive aggressive tactics, as well as overt and covert aggression. They are indicators that the person is not willing to take responsibility for their interactions. They are signposts for us as well.......
How do you recognize a "red flag?" It will be a thought or concern that jumps out at you that you quickly rationalize, excuse, or justify.... They are surfacing for a reason, pay attention when they do....
Showed no anger
Did not see it as a problem
Should have, everyone gets angry, surfaced later; indirectly, covertly...
|Everyone makes mistakes||Never admitted to making a mistake...When asked why they broke up, said, "she bitched too much."|
Indirectly blamed ex-wife for everything
|Thought how terrible she must have been, she didn't understand him||Didn't make himself understood, later it was implied that all problems were my fault as well.|
|Appeared to have had a lot of misfortune but would not "talk about it".||Felt very sorry for him, felt that he needed someone to love and treat him well.||A martyr....carries around old wounds like a badge of honor...|
|1st trip together, asked another couple to go along without informing me, or asking me||Shy||Intimacy problems, not to mention no regard for my preferences|
|Showed more sensitivity and concern for others than for me||Thought eventually I would "earn" his respect, concenrn, etc.||No one should have to earn "respect" for their feelings|
|Wouldn't talk about prior relationships/hispast or communicate about our relationship||Shy, introverted||Hiding something? Emotionally shut down...Communication is a must in any relationship|
|Relative told me that I was good for him||Boost to my ego||Should have questioned why he needed someone to "be good for him"|
|Another relative said that he was cold and unfeeling||Again, thought he was misunderstood, was treating me well||He was cold and unfeeling once we were married...should have questioned why a relative would say that....|
|Ask me to sell my home, and move into one he co-owned with a relative which he planned on "giving" to that relative at a later date||I was very angry when this happened.||This should have stopped me in my tracks...and sent me running...realizing that I would always be last on the list....|
Used with permission from a very fine site [3/03]: http://www.passiveaggressive.homestead.com/RedFlags.html